6D 2012 – 2013
Happy learners blog well
100 Word Challenge review
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I really like my old Hundred Word Challenge, it was about a Phoenix flying and destroying the city. I really like this sentence ‘ The immortal bird flew high up into the black, silky sky before diving into the raging flames ‘ because I have used a great adjective ‘ immortal.
Up levelled
Looking behind me I saw a gargantuan, blazing red phoenix which had blood shot eyes that glowed in the illuminating, twilight moon. The phoenix had a golden, razor sharp beak that could pierce through a heart of innocence. The immortal bird flew high up into the inky sky before diving into the raging flames. The silhouette of the phoenix shone in the blazing fire as he swirled like a ballerina. The phoenix suddenly turned to ashes which twirled around in the fire. Outrageously, the phoenix rose from the fire, bolted across the sky and was never to be seen again.
6 Responses to “100 Word Challenge review”
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March 10th, 2013 at 10:45 pm
Thank you Nathan. I to like the words ‘immortal bird’. I notice that you have written 6 sentences ad out of those 6 sentences you have used tha same sentence opener 4 times. Do you think you really uplevelled your work showing how you have improved in your understanding of sentence openers?
March 14th, 2013 at 6:56 pm
Dear Nathan, I think that you have uplevelled this well! I like your sentence ‘The phoenix had a golden, razor sharp beak that could pierce through a heart of innocence.’ It helps create a picture in the reader’s mind! And, how you have described the moons as ‘illuminating, twilight moon’ Well Done! Next time try using some more level 4 and 5 openers!
March 15th, 2013 at 8:11 am
Dear Nathan,
This piece of writing is amazing, I certainly agree that it is better than your old. (the old one was good but the new one was better). I also like how you have used a ’2A’ sentence such as ‘….golden, razor sharp beak…’. Maybe next time you could use a different opener than ‘the’.
March 16th, 2013 at 5:55 pm
Dear all, I really enjoyed reading your comments and I will take on board what you have said.
March 17th, 2013 at 3:46 pm
Dear Nathan H,
Maybe you could write a new blog post on this 100 WC and add all the others’ advise in.
March 18th, 2013 at 2:51 pm
Well done the sentences were really detailed and I loved it
william,thistly