6D 2012 – 2013
Happy learners blog well
Snow…
Snow is falling, everywhere around me
Like dancing ballerinas, dressed as pretty as can be.
A snowflake lands on my rosy, red nose and then it tickles me,
As I walk through the snow, I slip and land on my knee.
I see children playing and messing around,,
Watching the snow fall swiftly to the ground..
I hide in the corner, wishing not to be found, because school is today,
but no teachers are around.
Nobody wants a snowman, when the snow is over.
Nobody wants to enjoy their life, when the snow is over.
Children are at school, when the snow is over.
Houses are dull when the snow is over. Cars are fast when the snow is over.
The streets are miserable when the snow is over.
Why does all this misery come to us, when the snow is over?
5 Responses to “Snow…”
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January 27th, 2013 at 11:50 am
Dear Tegan,
You have tried very hard with your poem. I like how you have put a question at the end of your poem.
Welldone!
From Aamina.I
January 28th, 2013 at 4:29 pm
Dear Tegan, I love your poem, it is very creative and I love all the smiles ‘…like ballet dancers..’ because I can really imagine it. I also love the last line ‘…Why does all this misery come to us, when the snow is over?’ because it really adds effect and makes me think, why does everything seem to go dull when the snow is over? Your poem’s last line really makes me think of what happens when the snow is over. Well done, maybe you could add some personification like ‘as I walked through I saw the dancing snow fall; to the ground’ I loved reading your poem and hope to read more!
From your friend, Anna.
January 29th, 2013 at 5:16 pm
Thank you Aamina and Anna, I am glad you both enjoyed reading my poem. I tried hard because I wanted to WOW Mrs Duxbury, and I think it has worked to you two. I don’t know why everything is dull when the snow is over, but it could be because children don’t get to go sledging or make snowmen anymore because the snow has melted.
Tegan
http://www.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net
January 29th, 2013 at 6:23 pm
Dear Tegan ,
I love your poem it was outstanding, I really like your simile ‘ like dancing ballerinas ‘ it was very creative. I also like your question at the end it really made me think, I also like it when you said ‘ snowflakes land on my rosy red nose and tickle me’ well done. Next time, why not add a connective like, however instead of but.
From Ellie
March 31st, 2013 at 7:50 pm
Thank you Ellie I am glad you liked my poem. I will take on board your advice to help me improve my writing!
Tegan