Nov
25

Lost by Emily

Filed Under (General News) by on 25-11-2012 and tagged

Perplexed, scared and shocked I walk further and further down the narrow gloomy path.  As the moon begins to die down the gloomy, narrow , smelly  path.  I was scared, I did not know what to do, as all I remember was being happy in the big sweet shop with my mum buying some cakes for my birthday when …

Black ! I could not see a thing as I found out that my head was in a wet, smelly, damp bag somebody has nicked me.   they put me down and when  I get my baleen’s I take the the damp bag off my head, stood in front of me was a man pointing a knife right at me, I cry  whilst running away from the man.  

And this is how I end up where I am now lost in the streets of the middle of no where.  In the dissidents there hanging on the wall was a pitcher of me saying (LOST HELP US NOW .)  Its been over a week now and I am staving and thirsty and struggling to talk or whisper.  

I decide to walk around to look for some food, but all I have found so far are some mouldy chips out of the dustbin  I see another bin a cross the road withe a try in it.   I run a cross the road with out thinking when a big lorry is flying down the  one way road . 

Lilly has been rushed to hospital we all crowd  around her as her eyes are closed we try not to cry but we all just bus out crying in to tears when a long beep goes off and doctors  come rushing in  and tells us all to go out of the room we look through the window a sit goes quit and the cover gets pulled over her head.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    



129 Responses to “Lost by Emily”

  1.   Mrs Duxbury Says:

    Emily, I am jumping up and down for joy at reading this story. I am so proud of you for writing this and putting it on the blog. A huge well done to you. All the way through, I was hoping that the character was going to be okay and this made me want to read on. What a clever writer you are.

    To make your work even better, remember to read through your work to check for the full stops (especially in the last paragraph).

    Reply

  2.   Mrs A Says:

    Wow! This is great. It really hooked me in as a reader and has a really powerful ending. So many emotions developed throughout.
    You must feel very proud of yourself

    Reply

  3.   Mr Webb and Room 5, New Zealand Says:

    Emily
    I don’t think that there’s a happy part to the story but that’s a really good thing, I think writing in a sad way makes it sound more edgy and makes me think about all the things that are happening. I liked the part how you don’t mention Lilly until the last paragraph, that got me interested in terms of hook because it made me think about lots of questions about who she was and how she fits in with the story. I will show this piece of writing to my class in New Zealand tomorrow morning (its the other side of the world, we have a twelve hour time difference and we are a day ahead!) and see what they think so thank you for publishing it.

    Reply

  4.   Mrs Hogg Says:

    Hi Emily,
    Wow! You have managed to set the scene really well. It made me feel fear for you and anger towards the man with the knife! It is great to see you writing with such courage and doing such a good job! Well done!
    Kind regards, Mrs Hogg (GRC Penshurst Girls Campus, Sydney, Australia) via twitter

    Reply

  5.   Mrs Neale Team 100WC Says:

    Emily, you have written a story that is sad, dramatic and exciting. As a reader I have worried for your main character, hoped that there would be a happy ending as we all do when we hear stories that people have gone missing, but you have recognised that sometimes, just sometimes, the ending is tragic. You have shown her fear, and especially her friends’ sadness in your last paragraph.
    Keep on reading, keep on writing. You have a wonderful imagination! Well done.

    Reply

  6.   Sarah Oxley Says:

    Wow! What a powerful piece of writing. I was gripped right from the start and you keep the reader hooked in with your vivid description. Well done Emily!

    Reply

  7.   CharlotteW Says:

    Dear Emily,
    I really liked your story! It is really well written, you have used great wow words, and 3-ed sentences! You have remember everything we have done in class! Well done! Next time, remember to use proper engish, so use kidnapped or stolen, instead of ‘nicked’
    CharlotteW

    Reply

  8.   Brent Says:

    How did you feel about your story?
    What other ideas did yo choose before this story?
    Did you need any help with writing it?

    New Zealand, Hamilton , Melville Intermediate school, Brent Room 5.

    Reply

  9.   icis Says:

    HIi EMILY i just wanted to ask you a few questions on Lilly
    My first question is on why you choosed this particular story to write about….was she your sister(any relation).And how old was she.

    I am Icis,i attend Melville Intermediate in New Zealand.

    Reply

  10.   Grace - Maple class Says:

    Dear Emily,
    I really love your story especially the paragraph were you described the bag and about how much ambitious vocabulary you use. Just try to be careful about using only the past or present tense not both. It’s really imaginative and I would defiantly buy it if it was as a
    book – you should write a sequel!
    from your friend Grace in Maple class (www.mapleclass2012-13.blogspot.co.uk)

    Reply

  11.   Mr Webb and Room Five, New Zealand Says:

    Emily.
    We used your story as an example of narrative writing in our class in New Zealand yesterday. Our students have completed a review of your writing (and everyone loved it) and we had to answer some questions about it and pose some questions to you. We have posted about it on our class page at this link here.
    http://melvilleroom8.blogspot.co.nz/
    Have a great day.
    Mr Webb and Room Five, Melville Intermediate, Hamilton, Waikato, New Zealand.

    Reply

  12.   Nathan Says:

    Hi my name is Nathan I really liked the story my favourite part was how you explained how you were perplexed thanks for the awesome story thank you

    Reply

  13.   Douglas Says:

    Hello Emily my name is Douglas and i want to ask you a few questions. My first question is did Lilly have a funeral? second question is did she get a coffin? and my last question is did you have help writing this stroy?
    Douglas,New Zealand,Hamilton,Melville Intermediate

    Reply

  14.   Jamie Says:

    Hi,
    This week our class is looking at narratives,
    And I have a couple of questions for you,
    1)What made you choose the title lost?
    2)Did you get to choose what you write about or did your teacher choose?
    3)Was Lilly a human or an animal and if an animal what one?
    Thanks Jamie.

    Reply

  15.   Ryan Says:

    Hi my names Ryan im from Melville Intermediate New Zealand i would like to ask you a few questions. Did you get some of these ideas off a true story. Did you write this by your self. How did you feel about the story.

    Reply

  16.   levi Says:

    how did you fell about the story?

    did you have any other story ideas?

    do you know any one who has had this happen to them before?

    from levi from Melville intermediate in hamilton New Zealand.

    Reply

  17.   Julia Says:

    Dear Emily,
    Wow! I really like your story. I ever knew you were such a good writer. Where did you get your idea from? I really like you have used some 3ED sentances ‘Perplexed, scared, and shocked…’ I also really like you have used show not tell in this writing aswell. You have used so many things we have been learning in class. You had me glued to th screen ALL the way through. Maybe next time you could use some adverbs. Well done Emily, and I hope to see some more of your wonderfull writing on the blog.
    From Julia

    Reply

  18.   oliviaf Says:

    Wow,Emily that story is brilliant, I nearly started to cry,despite it was so fantastic you used great 3ed sentance you musted be very proud of your self keep the great work up.
    your friend Olivia
    p.s When I started to read the story it gripped me.

    Reply

  19.   liam Says:

    Hi I really liked your story good job Emily

    Reply

  20.   deighton Says:

    hi Emily my name is deighton I liked your story it was very dramatic I liked it.It had a amazing twist to it i have a few questions to ask you
    1.what inspiered you to write it?
    2.how long did it take to write?
    3.why did you write it? was it school work? or did you do it in your spare time?

    Reply

  21.   Brae Says:

    Wow that was a fantastic peice of writting.

    Reply

  22.   Conner Says:

    Do you hold some of these experiences?
    why did you chose a sad narritive?
    wasit your feelings?
    thanks

    Reply

  23.   kayla Says:

    hi hay and hello my name is kayla and i have read your lost story and it relly cool i just have got to ask you so things like did it happen to some one in your family why did you do that story do you think that you did a good story i do
    thank you hope you liked it

    Reply

  24.   Reitu Says:

    Hi my name is Reitu and i go to Melville intermediate school. I read your story lost i think it is a really great story.
    From Reitu,Melville intermediate school,Hamilton,New zealand.

    Reply

  25.   UnKnowen Says:

    Hello my name is Bianca,
    I go to melville intermediate school hamilton new zealand.
    i have some questions to ask you,
    1 what made up your mind of making the title ‘lost’?
    2 what were you thinking about when you wrote this?
    3 what happened when lilly was gone?
    Hope to here from you soon.

    Reply

  26.   Tegan S Says:

    Wow, this is an amazing story Emily, I can tell you have put a lot of work into your writting. Where did you get the idea from?
    You should write more stories like this, because you have already got 25 comments to your story. I cannot wait to see you writting more stories like this on the blog, you are a good writer, even though sometimes you may not think it. KEEP IT UP EMILY!

    Tegan xx
    http://www.6d2012.highlawnprimary.net

    Reply

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