100 Word Challeng Emily

Filed Under (General News) by on 20-11-2012 and tagged ,

74  East Boldon Juiner school – Ellie

37  Emily  l – f year 6

Chocolate thats all I could think about, one peace left staring right at me two other people come into the room when one person gets up and reaches out for the chocolate when I shout NO that’s mine when we race for the chocolate, the plate falls to the ground and the pet dog comes and knicks it but does not eat it.  Tom runs over and washes it and it goes wet, soggy and squashed so we put it on the pate whilst we went to go and get the money when the strong, fast, black dog got it again but ate it this time.

2 Responses to “100 Word Challeng Emily”

  1.   Mrs Stones (Team 100WC) Says:

    Hi Emily,
    I enjoyed reading your 100 Word Challenge entry. I really like the way you have started your writing, it immediately tells the reader your opinion of chocolate, which itself tells the reader how much you like it. The rest of your writing is very busy and action packed. If you read back through you might notice your writing changes from the past to the present tense and then back to the past tense. Try and keep it in the same tense next time.
    A good effort.
    Mrs Stones


  2.   Mrs Sandiford Says:

    Well done Emily, how disappointed you must have felt not to get the chocolate when you love it so much! Love how you have described the strong fast black dog, that paints a good picture in my mind.
    Keep blogging.


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