Nov
17

100wc

Filed Under (General News) by on 17-11-2012 and tagged ,

It was a silent night, everyone was sleeping and all the chocolate was gone, except from one piece.  No one wanted the piece. That piece was sure everyone was asleep, it crept down stairs and there before his melting eyes was something as large as a planet! What was this strange, exciting object and were was it from. Silently and suddenly, surprisingly and dangerously it woke,  saw him and he noticed, in the large, gigantic creature’s hand was a bottle labeled poison.  He saw him walking up the stairs, going into the bedrooms.  Then he went upstairs and when the family woke up there was a dead monster and a happy piece of Belgium chocolate.

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Number 63 Charlotte Burravoe primary school

Number 34 Jess Bunswick house


 



13 Responses to “100wc”

  1.   Mrs Duxbury Says:

    How clever to use personification in your writing Anna, as well as a 2 pairs sentence. In fact your writing had so many fabulous features, well done!

    Reply

  2.   Sally-Jayne (Team 100WC) Says:

    Hi Anna. I thought the use of personification was really clever. I also loved the alliteration of “Silently and suddenly, surprisingly….”.

    To make this story even better I would change one of the adjectives you used to describe the monster, because “large” and “gigantic” mean the same thing. I would have said either “gigantic, green” to use some more alliteration, or “gigantic, scaly” to tell me what the creature’s skin felt like. With your great imagination though, I bet you could think of something much better for the second adjective.

    Reply

  3.   ellies Says:

    Dear Anna,
    Your 100 word challenge was amazing (like always) and well done for using a 2pair sentence and I love your simile ‘eyes as large as planets’ I like your fabulous alliteration ‘silently and suddenly , suprisingly’ well done however I think that you could of used a boys sentences to make your sentences complex well done.
    From Ellie

    Reply

  4.   CharlotteW Says:

    Well done Anna! You got showcased!

    Reply

  5.   Charlotte Says:

    Dear Anna,
    What a great story! Thank you for commenting on my blog post!
    Please write more stories!!
    From Charlotte
    Burravoe Primary School

    Reply

  6.   Aamina N Says:

    AMAZING ANNA… NUMBER ONE SHOWASED … You SHOULD be proud

    Reply

  7.   Tom.C Says:

    I like it! Very creative, Well Done!

    Reply

  8.   Samuel Rigby Says:

    Very good post Anna! I love your use of personification and alliteration in your piece. I would just have a little check on a couple of your spellings. Only minor, though! Once again, very well done Anna!

    Reply

  9.   Ted & Keith Says:

    Brilliant work, you must love choclate and monsters

    Reply

  10.   alisha121 Says:

    Wow, your 2pair sentences where awsome and i loved your work. Do you know anything about the more, the more sentences or boys sentences?, because we do a lot of them.
    Come and visit our blog at http://www.breckonhill05.primaryblogger.co.uk

    Reply

  11.   Kira Says:

    Dear Anna,

    I love the way you use alliteration and lots of adjectives! Great work 🙂

    Kira

    Reply

  12.   Miss Higgins Says:

    Anna, this is wonderful. From the start you created suspense and made me want to eat chocolate; Yum yum.
    The use of personification was very clever and made me care for the piece of chocolate. I also liked the way that you used alliteration: ‘silently’, ‘suddenly’ and ‘surprisingly’as it made the story more exciting and made it flow nicely. The only thing I would change would be to use a different adjective as ‘large’ and ‘gigantic’ mean the same thing. Maybe you could use ugly or scary, which would tell me more about the monster.
    Well done and keep blogging, I would love to read more

    Reply

  13.   Room 17 Says:

    Hi Anna,
    we really loved dicussing your story, You are a very good descriptive writer. keep it up.

    Room 17
    Raumati South School
    New Zealand

    Reply

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