Nov
17

100 WC Week 9

Filed Under (General News) by on 17-11-2012 and tagged

I looked at the plate and wondered what had happened to all my Mars bar.  It had been left for later but somebody had got to it before me.  I had planned to take it  on a bike ride  to give me the energy to cycle  for many miles.  So what should I do now? I decided to  set a trap to catch the culprit.   I  left another bar  in the kitchen and hid behind the door,  just as I was going to give up  I heard  footsteps.  I jumped out  from behind the door  and just  as I suspected  the guilty party was  [ can you guess?].

Comments:

Bradley -Stubbins Primary School – 94

Charlie at  SJB Teaching -96



5 Responses to “100 WC Week 9”

  1.   Mrs Duxbury Says:

    Well done Daniel, this is a wonderful piece of writing and I can tell that you have really thought your sentences (and remembered those full stops). Thank you Daniel, I am very proud of you.

    Reply

  2.   Ethan Says:

    Hi Daniel,
    A very good piece of writing.Your story kept me thinking all the time, about who was taking the Mars bar.

    Reply

  3.   Carol Team 100WC Says:

    I really enjoyed this Daniel! it is well written with great sentences and most importantly I am still left wondering who ate your Mars Bar! Did you know you had used a rhetorical question in sentence 4? This is when you seem to speak to the reader by asking a question and it draws the reader into what you have written by making them think about their possible answer. Well done!

    Reply

  4.   Ms Breyley Says:

    Hi Daniel,
    I like the way the story builds and the way you have used a mix of short and longer sentences to add some tension. I’m guessing it was a family member – I thought at first a pet but then you mentioned the footsteps!
    fae
    Ms Breyley, Burravoe School, Shetland

    Reply

  5.   Daniel Says:

    Thank you Ms Breyley for your lovley comment it really makes me happy with yhose comments.

    From Daniel High Lawn

    Reply

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