Nov
08

Mum!

Filed Under (General News) by on 08-11-2012 and tagged ,

Mum

Mum.  The only person I could think about.  Sadly, she is really sick in hospital, and was diagnosed with a disease, that isn’t contagious, but it could kill her, in a couple of months.  (Of course, I didn’t know that.)  I can’t get my head round it.  Dad had to sit Bella, (My sister.) and me down and tried his best to tell us without crying.  We couldn’t tell what he was saying at first because his mouth was trembling.  We finally got the message he was giving, little tears pricked my eyes, as I tried not to cry.    None of us could get to sleep that night; we were all wide awake at midnight, all of us staring into Space.

The next morning, we all went to the hospital and forgot all about school.  It was all surreal to me.  I couldn’t concentrate when I saw mum.  I could just hear the beeping of the machine in the background.  Five minutes had passed, but it already felt like it had been a couple of hours.  How could I cope, if I can’t now, how will I cope in school?  Nothing happened.  Lunch time had come and gone by now and all we did was sit there; staring.  Food wasn’t our worry at the minute.

After a few weeks we ran out of food.  Dad had forgotten to do the shopping, so Bella and I had to nip out to get a few things for tea.  I only had a mouthful of my tea once dad had finished making it.  Dad didn’t eat anything at all.  When we got to the hospital, Mum was lying in her bed, with a pale face and her blond, curly hair sprawled out on the pillow.  Once again, we sit by her bed, waiting for her to open her eyes.  The very next day, Bella and I, had to go to school.  We didn’t want to, but we had to.  Dad had a word with our head teacher, and she made an announcement, that everyone had to be nice to me.  My best friends were (Annabelle, Leanne, and Rosie) but everyone else didn’t seem to care.  They were all offering me part of their snacks, even though I exclaimed I wasn’t hungry.

How would I go on?  A couple of months had passed, and mum was sicker than ever.  She had to be taken in to theatre two times in one day.  Dad came to pick us up one day.  He was red in the face, and his eyes were blood shot red, from crying.  During the night, we heard dad snivelling.  We both wandered into his room.  He was holding his favourite picture, to his chest.  He saw us and asked if he woke us, he thought he did, but he didn’t.

On that very next morning, he told us exactly what had happened.  He didn’t make us go to school today.  Our mother past away at half past twelve yesterday.  A few weeks later, the funeral came.  She was dressed in a pink silk gown and her eyes were shut.  We all kept expecting her to open her eyes, and just jump up and say joke, and burst out laughing.  But she didn’t.  Tears pricked everyone’s eyes as they scrunched up their face, trying not to cry.  The church was very crowded, because mum new loads of people, and they all say that she was like a sister to them.  No one could hold in the tears, when they were lowering the coffin in to her grave.  After the ceremony, we went to the buffet.  None of us could eat anything, we were all so devastated, that we couldn’t even think properly.  I couldn’t even talk properly.  How could I go on?

 

 

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84 Responses to “Mum!”

  1.   Mrs Scrivens Says:

    What a fantastic and personal piece of writing. It made me cry. You have used your raw emotion to express yourself in a very informative manner. Well done.

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Mrs Scrivens,
      I’m really glad you enjoyed reading my story. I really enjoy reading and writing.
      From Julia
      P.s. This isn’t a true story, incase you didn’t know.

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  2.   Mrs Duxbury Says:

    Julia, once again your stories have me spell bound. I was sobbing as I read this. You have a wonderful style and have really captured the emotions of this character. As with your other stories Julia, it reads like you really are going through this. You have really have got inside your character’s head, which is a truly wonderful writing technique.
    I am so proud of you and the way you are just blossoming as a writer. Keep sharing this wonderful work with the world Julia, they will want more and more of your work. You should be very proud (I know I am).

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Mrs Duxbury,
      thank you for your comment, Mrs Duxbury. I really like writing and reading. I am glad you enjoy reading my stories, and that you were sobbing, because I may want to be a writer when I am older, and if you were crying, that shows a good writer. Yes, I am proud of myself and over the moon your proud of me!
      From Julia.

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  3.   Mrs Skinner Says:

    Thank you for putting your feelings out for people to share. You have been so brave. This is a very emotional piece that shows just how talented you are as a writer. I do hope that you will continue to use writing to help.

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  4.   Mrs Skinner Says:

    I have popped back in Julia because Mrs Duxbury told me that this was fiction! I’m very glad it was not true but it makes it an even more amazing piece of writing!

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Mrs Skinner,
      I am so thankful, for your comments, because getting comments, makes you a better writer. I am glad, that you enjoy reading my story!
      From Julia

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  5.   Mrs Ratcliffe Says:

    Wow what an emotive piece of writing – I really believed the pain and anguish you and your family were going through as you haven’t overdone it but your details are so realistic. You truly are a gifted writer.

    (I confess that I am pleased that this is all in your imagination as I hate the idea of someone going through this at your age!!!)

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Mrs Ratcliff,
      I am glad you enjoyed reading my writing. Thank you for your comment I really apricciate you taking the time to give us comments and help us in our writing.
      I am also glad I am not going through this sad story.
      From Julia

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  6.   Mr Spendlow Says:

    Wow. I can say nothing else but that. Truly, truly inspirational.

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Mr Spendlow,
      I am glad you enjoyed my writing. I am glad I am an insparation to you, and maybe to some other people.
      From Julia

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  7.   jemimah Says:

    Wow, I think you should be very proud of your self, this is amazing!
    I think you should show it to Miss Cox and Mr Williams,
    Well done

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  8.   Chris McWilliam Says:

    An absolutely phenomenal and emotional piece of writing. The content is very thought provoking and it is extremely well written. You’ve dropped clauses in very effectively and you seem to have stuck a very effective balance between detailed complex sentences and shorter, punchier sentences.

    Keep up the excellent writing. I am going to share this with my Year 5 class tomorrow.

    Thank you so much.

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Chris McWilliam,
      thankyou for your comment, as it means so much for you to take the time and comment. I am glad you enjoy reading my writing. As much as I enjoy reading, other people’s. I really hope your class enjoy reading it!
      From Julia

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  9.   Mr Connor Says:

    This is a truly incredible piece of writing Julia, I feel very lucky to have read it. Not only have you become the character, but your the way you switch between longer, more descriptive sentences through to short, sharp ones keeps the reader engaged too.

    I’m going to share this post with my class as a short class story. I don’t think they’ll believe it was written by a 10 year old.

    Keep writing, you have a special talent. I look forward to reading more of your work.

    Mr Connor
    Year 5 teacher
    Derby

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Mr Conner,
      I am glad you enjoyed reading my writing, and I hope your class does aswell. It means alot to me having people showing my writing to their class,and they can comment on my writing saying wether it is good or not.
      Thank you SO SO much, for your comment!
      From Julia

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  10.   Mr Wallace Says:

    Wow. A powerful and emotional piece of writing. I was completely glued to the screen reading this, and you left me wanting to read more. I cant wait to share this with my children in class to show off your super descriptive language and emotive language!
    Well done.

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Mr Wallace,
      I am really glad you enjoyed reading this, and hopefully your class will to! It really means alot to me having people comment on my work, and making me a better writer. I am REALLY thankfull.
      From Julia

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  11.   Mrs Verona Gridley Says:

    Awesome writing!
    You use such great emotion as you describe each moment in the unfolding story.
    Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece with us.
    Mrs Verona Gridley
    Australia

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Mrs Verona Gridley,
      Thank you for your comment, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. I hope you might be able to comment on some other people’s work aswell, because they will really apricciate it!
      From Julia

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  12.   Tom Palmer Says:

    This is an outstanding story. I had to read your teacher’s comments a couple of times to make sure it was a story and not real. I am bowled over by it.

    Sadly, I have been in the position. The bit that really got me was when you described how the characters thought their mum would jump up and say it was a joke. That is how I felt when my mum died too. It is a detail like that… an unexpected detail that could almost be funny if it wasn;t so sad, that makes the story even more effective.

    You have a real talent. Keep writing and keep reading. I think you’ll do very well.

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Tom,
      Wow! It is so amazing, to have a famouse author, comment on my work. I really like writing, and am proud of it, to have an author like you saying that you actually thought my work was outstanding, and that you were almost fooled. I am so sorry, to hear you have been in the same position, and felt, the same as my character. I am glad it makes it more effective, but don’t mean for it to be offensive. It means alot to me, having a famous author say that I have a talent. I hope you can also comment on some other peoples work too, as it will probably mean alot to them to!
      From Julia

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  13.   Andrea Carr Says:

    Hello Julia. Just like Mrs Duxbury I had tears in my eyes reading this. It is a wonderfully moving piece of writing. You have managed to really feel the emotions of your character and this comes through in your writing. Talented writers are able to touch their reader’s emotions – you have done this so well.

    I run a publishing company called Rising Stars and I read lots of fiction and non-fiction writing in my job! You show lots of promise as a writer so you should keep writing and practising your skills. Maybe you will be an author or journalist one day! Good luck!

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Andrea,
      Thank you so much for your comment. I would love to be a famouse author one day. But also have a real book published. I am so thankful, you have faith in me, like Mrs Duxbury. It really means alot.
      From Julia

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  14.   Mr Williams Says:

    Absolutely amazing, Julia. This is one of the best pieces of writing I have EVER read on the High Lawn blogs. It is such an emotional piece of writing that it really does bring a tear to the eye. Superb!

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    •   julia Says:

      Dear Mr Williams,
      thank you for your comment. I really like people commenting on my work, because it makes me feel more confident in myself. I really hope you enjoy reading my work, but not just mine, other people’s aswell.

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  15.   harvey Says:

    this story is so sad at first I thought it was real but when I found out on one of the comments that it was fiction I was relieved I cant find anything wrong with this story.from harvey maple

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    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Harvey,
      thank you for your comment, I really apricciatee you taking the time to comment on my work
      From Julia

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  16.   Amymaplegreenfields Says:

    Hi highlawn
    I think your storys really touching. the way you biult it up was great.
    from Amy greenfields

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    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Amy,
      Thank you for your comment, I hope you enjoy, reading my work. Not just mine but everyone elses on the blog.
      From Julia

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  17.   Emily Says:

    Wow what an amazing piece of writing i didnt realise it wasnt true until i read other comments i think its really, really good. From Emily maple class.

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    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Emily,
      Thnak you for your comment, and I hope you enjoy reading our work, on the blog. Do you like writing Stories on the blog?
      From Julia

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  18.   Miss Taylor Says:

    This is an amazing piece of writing Julia. It made me emotional when I read it because you have used such incredible vocabulary. Keep up the good work and I look forward to reading more of your blog posts 🙂

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    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Miss Taylor,
      thank you, for your comment and hope you really enjoy reading our posts on the blog. Do you like writing stories?

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  19.   Jemimah Says:

    This is really sad to hear I hope you have a wonderful future

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    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Jemimah,
      thank you for your comment. Sorry, if I had you fooled, like some other people, but this story isn’t true.
      From Julia

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  20.   Janette Clark Says:

    Julia,
    Mrs Gridley sent a link, as this was definitely a must read. You really captured the essense of the character’s emotions. In fact, if I hadn’t read the comments I would have described this piece of text as a very personal account.
    This is an incredibly insightful piece.

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    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Janette,
      Thank you for your comment, and I hope you enjoyed reading my work. It really makes me feel over the moon, as people comment on my work, and that peope are actually reading my work.
      From Julia

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  21.   Caitlin Says:

    Dear Julia,
    Your writing is just amazing. Do you want to be a writer when you grow up? If you do I would be reading all your books because when Mrs Duxbury read it out in class I was saying to myself Caitlin don’t cry. This is a wonderful piece of writing.
    From Caitlin.

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    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Caitlin,
      I’m glad you enjoyed reading my work, and hope to see some of your stories on the blog. I am glad I can inspire you, and that you were actually getting emotional. Yes, I would like to be a writer when I gorw up! What would you like to be when you grow up?
      From Julia

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  22.   Julia's mum Says:

    Julia had not shown me “mum” when she was writing it. I only got to read it once she told me about all the comments people were leaving. It made me feel really sad and I had tears in my eyes as I really felt like I was the mum that Julia was writing about. Julia’s dad felt really sad too when he read it. We now think she needs to write something really funny to cheer people up! Maybe a story called “dad”??

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    •   Mrs Duxbury Says:

      Thank you for leaving a comment for Julia, and I am so relieved (as so many others are) that this story as a fictional one. Her readers will be looking forward to reading another one of her stories…we just hope she does not keep us waiting to long.

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      •   Julia S Says:

        Dear Mrs Duxbury,
        I am writing another story, and I would love to tell you what it’ it’s about, but then it would completely spoil the suprize. I hope I don’t keep you all waiting too long, but I will have to uplevel it so I may take a few days or weeks!
        From Julia

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    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear mum,
      Thank you for your comment, and I hope you weren’t to upset with me, while you read it!
      From Julia

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  23.   Mrs Bury Says:

    After seeing you awarded with the KS2 blogger of the week trophy I had to have a read of your submission.
    I could not have imagined that I would be submerged in such a beautifully sensitive and well written piece of work.
    Well done Julia!

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    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Mrs Bury,
      I am glad you enjoyed reading my work, and hope you will enjoy reading more of my work
      From Julia.

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  24.   Laura Says:

    That was so sad, you really made me see the Mum lying there and the family grieving for her.I really enjoyed reading your work.

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Laura,
      Thank you for your comment, and I am glad you enjoyed reading my work.I am happy you could picture the famly, and hope you can read some more of the work, on the blog. Do you enjoy reading, and writing? I do.
      From Julia

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  25.   lucys Says:

    WOW Julia thats a great peice of writing! I love it and how do you write like that.

    From Lucy!

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Lucy,
      I hope you enjoyed reading my work. I uess you just have to keep practicing, and reading over you work, to make it that bit better. Mrs Duxbury, also helps me to, during school lessons.
      From Julia

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  26.   Mr Woods Says:

    WOW! You have an amazing talent. You MUST continue to write and share your ability. I read this a week ago and thought it was based on real life events. When I found out that you had created this situation I was even more amazed at what I had read. I am using YOUR work this afternoon for my first blogging session with Year 6 to show them how important writing is, and how important it is to share. Well done, you should be very proud of yourself!

    From

    Mr Woods and all the Year 6 pupils at Chorlton Park

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Mr Woods,
      Thank you so much, for your comment. It all feels surreal to me, and that people actually enjoyed reading it. Sorry, if I fooled you, but that is the whole point, to becoming a better writer. I really enjoy writing. Do you? Yes, I am very proud of myself, and Mrs Duxbury says she is too! It really means alot to me having all these people commenting on my work. Please may you reply back to me, saying how your class found it? I hope you all enjoy reading it!
      From Julia.

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      •   Mr Woods Says:

        Dear Julia,

        I am sorry for the long delay but I have been busy at school and so have my Year 6 class. This year gropu are new to bloging and they could not believe several things about your piece:
        1)Somebody the same age as them wrote it
        2)It was a made up piece of work.

        We spoke a great deal about some of the language that you used as well as our feelings. We tried to link the two together to see what the author (you) had done to make the reader feel that way.

        Thank you very much for sharing, we enjoyed it greatly. To answer your question I DO like writing, however I’m not as good as yourself and I don’t have the time to try and get better……I have too many books to mark 😉

        Keep up the great work!

        Mr Woods

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        •   Julia S Says:

          Dear Mr Woods,
          Thank you again for your comment. I am really glad your class enjoyed reading it. It made my mum and dad cry! I really do enjoy writing, and I hope to become an autor in the future! I hope to hear more of you, and your class in the future.
          From Julia

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  27.   Ros Wilson Says:

    That is an amazing piece of writing Julia. I had to fight to stop myself from crying. When a writer makes fiction as sad as reality, you KNOW they are extremely talented. You have a great future. Keep it up.

    Ros

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Ros,
      I hope you enjoyed reading my work. I really enjoy reading, and writing. Do you? I would LOVE, to be an author when I am older. I have fooled many people in this peice, of writing but that is one of the things that makes us a better writer, as well as Mrs Duxbury! Yes I will try to keep it up.
      From Julia

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  28.   Jed B Says:

    Well done Julia that was a great piece of work!In class our teacher read this out and we all believed it was a true story until he told us it was not a true. Are you going to become a writer when you are older? because I would buy the whole collection and I don’t normally like reading. But I think I would like to read a collection of books written by you because I think you will be a good author!!!

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    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Jed,
      Thank you for your comment. Yes, I do hope to be an author when I grow up. Why do you not like reading? I LOVE redaing! The way you can just get lost in the characters wrorld, and feel as if your part of the story. My favourite author is Jacquline Wilson. Her books are really AMAZING! I hope my story has helped you to read, because you can magpie bits, steal ideas, or even find new techniques for your own piece of writing. Thank you again for your comment.
      From Julia

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  29.   Charlie Thistly Says:

    Dear Julia,
    I think your story was extremly good. I was crying when I read it! We have been loking at your blog in class and been usig your work as an example. I think you are a really good writer! Do you want to become a writer when your older? I want ot be as a good writer as you.

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Charlie,
      Thank you for your comment. I hope you enjoyed reading it. Yes, I would LOVE to be a writer when I grow up. Jacquline Wilson is my favourite author! Who’s your favourite author?
      From Julia

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  30.   Joshua- Thistly Says:

    Your story ‘mum’ was a really good piece of work their Julia. It made me think it was really real! And What inspired you to write this? When I need an idea I use what has happened to me in the past.

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Joshua,
      Thank you for your comment, I hope you enjoyed reading it. I would say I got my inspiration form Jacquline Wilson’s book ‘The longest whale song.’I get most of my ideas from Jacquline Wilson! Who’s your favourite author?
      From Julia

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  31.   CharlotteW Says:

    Dear Julia, your story is really emotional! I cannot believe you wrote this story! Remembering that you are only 11! WOW! keep writing like this, and soon people will be begging their parents to buy your books!

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  32.   Hannah s Says:

    Hi I’m Mr Sutton’s daughter. Your story made me cry even if it isn’t real. Please visit my school blog at http://class2.catoncps.net/.

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  33.   Chloe Says:

    That is so, so emotional! I can’t believe I just read that, I think I’m going to cry! Great piece of work Julia, are you going to be an author when you’re older?

    Chloe 🙂

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Chloe,
      Thank you for your comment. Yes, I hope to be an aouthor when I grow up. What would you like to be when you grow up?
      From Julia.

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  34.   Julia Says:

    Dear Hannah,
    Thaank you for your comment. I hope you enjoyed reading it. I will try to come on your blog tonight.
    From Julia

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  35.   Theo thistly Says:

    Hi Julia I think jaquline wilson is ok but my favourite books are diary of a wimpy kid in my opinion they are amazing

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Theo,
      I think diary of a wimpy kid books are good books, but I prefer to read other books (espesially Jacqueline Wilson).
      From Julia

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  36.   taya and saoirse Says:

    its a really good blog it made us cry hope shes better

    by taya and saoirse

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Taya and Saoirse,
      Thank you for your comment. I hope you enjoyed reading my story, although this is a fictional peice of writing.
      From Julia

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  37.   aysel Says:

    nice piece of writing me and my friend really enjoyed it.

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  38.   william RD Says:

    wow this peace of writing is FENOMINAL! It would be even better if it had more adjectives in it but apart from that FANTASTIC!

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear William,
      Thank you for your comment. What was your favourite part? Thank you for your tip, and I will try and improve next time.
      From Julia

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  39.   jack Says:

    I can’t believe how good it is you blew me away totally so all i can say is amazing 🙂

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Jack,
      Thank you for your comment. I am glad you enjoyed readeing my story. What was your favourite part?
      From Julia

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  40.   williamt and alexw Says:

    fantastic piece of wrighting it deserve to be put in book
    and a film brilliant

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    •   Julia Says:

      Dear William and Alex,
      Thank you for your comment. I really hope you enjoyed reading it. It really means alot to me, for people commenting on my work, such as yours. I hope to hear more of you and have fun exploring our blog!
      From Julia

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  41.   Dhruv& Holly Says:

    you are an amazing writer i cant wait till you make a book

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  42.   Julia Says:

    Dear Druhv and Holly,
    Thank you for your comment, I really hope you enjoyed reading my fictional story. What was your favourite part? I hope to see more of you and have fun exploring 6D’s blog!
    From Julia

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Trackbacks/Pingbacks

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