Nov
07

Spooky story.

Filed Under (General News) by on 07-11-2012 and tagged

Creeking, up the metal stair case, was scary enough to be in a horror film.  Every step made a noise, and evey time it did I spun my head round to make sure no-one was following me.   Finally, I got to the end of the stair case and was on the second floor.   I felt like something was following me, I couldn’t see anything but I could just about imagine someone creeping up on me ready to pounce, like a lion stalking it’s prey.  Suddenly, I sensed an unwanted presence behind me.  I took in a deep breath, trembling, and shaking, and spun around as a wrinkly, hand touched my shoulder.  My jaw dropped to the ground, my heart rate quikened, my eyes widened.  I screamed at the top of my voice from the sight infront of me, and ran for the door, nearly tripping over trying to get away.

My finger nail skimmed the door handle, as the monster grabbed me tight, and clutched me to it’s furry body.  Then the croaky voice, whispered into my ear, “You don’t get away that easily.”  It let me go, and I lent against the door, trying to open it but he had already locked it.  He rumaged through his pocket, and found a knife.  He raised it above my head.  Just as he was going to stab me, someone grabbed it out his hand.  He pulled a perplexed face and spun around.  It was Jodie.  (My sister.)  She gave him a little poke in the back, and he screamed with pain and agony.  The key’s to unlock the door, were dangaling out of his waistcoat pocket.  I grabbed them and unlocked the door.  Jodie and I ran as fast as our legs could carry us.  As we were nearly at the bottom of the drive, loads of other monsters came running out, with knifes, spears and shields.  We ran even faster, and only half way to our house, we got a stitch, but we couldn’t stop.  They were catching up to us.  We couldn’t run any faster.  After long last, we got to our house.  I flung open the door and slammed it shut as soon as Jodie got in.  We walked to the stairs giving a sigh of relief, we didn’t get cought by them.  Suddenly, a knife got stabbed through the door and we ran to our bedroom as another face apeared through the letter box.

 



22 Responses to “Spooky story.”

  1.   Jamie Says:

    I liked your use of commers. I also liked how you used ‘show not tell’. Tou showed the reader you were scared by saying,

    ‘My jaw dropped to the ground, my heart rate quikened’

    rather that just telling the reader you were scare.

    Reply

    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Jamie,
      Thank you for such a great comment. I am really glad you enjoyed reading it. Do you like writing and reading? It would be nice if you could leave your blog adress for me,and I can visit your blog and comment on your classes work. Unless you don’t have a blog.
      From Julia

      Reply

  2.   Tyler Says:

    Wow Julia, I loved your spooky story, I loved your story because the tension in your story gradually built up intill the end when the monsters were chasing you with swords and shields. Maybe next time you could describe the monster?
    from Tyler.

    Reply

    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Tyler,
      Thank you for such a great comment, and yes I could of explained the monster, so I could help the people reading get more of an idea in thier head. Thank you so much for your help on making me a better writer. I hope you enjoyed reading my story. Did you go trick or treating for halloween?
      From Julia

      Reply

  3.   Carris Says:

    Wow Julia, I really loved your Spooky Story, I loved it because you have got loads of tention in your story. I really like that bit were the person puts its head threw the letter box.

    Reply

    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Carris,
      Thank you for your great comment. I hope you enjoyed reading my work. I hope to see some of your work on your blog. (could you please leave me your blog adress, so I can comment on some of your classes work.)
      From Julia

      Reply

  4.   Caitlin W Says:

    Great story Julia. This story hooked me in so much! Well done!

    Reply

  5.   Rowan 4C Says:

    Excellent story, great descriptive words. Maybe next time you could use adverbial openers.

    Reply

  6.   Chloe Butterworth Says:

    Hello,
    it’s Chloe Butterworth from your old school. Julia, I really like your spooky story. It was very scary. Well done for remebering all your punctation in your story.

    Well Done!

    From Chloe at Canon Slade High School.

    Reply

    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Chloe,
      Thank you for your comment, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Do you enjoy reading, and writing?
      From Julia

      Reply

  7.   Laura Says:

    That was so amazing. You used brilliant descriptive language so I could really imagine the scene. You had me gripped into the story, I would love to read more of your stories.

    Reply

    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Laura,
      Thank you for your comment. I hope you enjoyed reading it. I have written another story, called ‘Mum’ I have fooled many people with it, but I’ll have to wait and see if you’ll be fooled aswell, if you want to read it.
      From Julia

      Reply

  8.   Tulsi Says:

    Wow Julia what a story, I liked how you used show not tell like’ my jaw dropped to the ground, my heart rate quikened’. Maybe next time you could of added 2a/boys or 3ed sentence. Well done Julia keep the good work up.

    From Tulsi

    Reply

    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Tulsi,
      Thank you for your comment, and hoped you enjoyed reading it. Yes, maybe I could of used them, and will try to, in my next peice of writing. Do you like reading and writing?
      From Julia

      Reply

  9.   harrisonm Says:

    Hello Julia,
    I was amazed at your spooky story; ‘I sensed an unwanted presence behind me’ what a good sentence! Next time maybe you could include similie sentence or a 3ED sentence!

    Reply

    •   Julia S Says:

      Dear Harrison,
      Thank you for you comment, I hope you enjoyed reading it. Do you enjoy reading and writing? I do! Yes, I will try to put some similies and 3ED sentance into my next peice of writing.
      From Julia

      Reply

  10.   Jemimah Says:

    Wow once again this is an amazing peice if work you
    Should think about becoming an author when you grow up

    Reply

  11.   Julia S Says:

    Dear Jemimah,
    Thank you for your comment, I really hope you enjoyed reading it. Yes, I would like to be an author when I grow up. What would you like to be? Do you like re3ading and writing? I do!
    From Julia

    Reply

  12.   CharlotteW Says:

    Dear Julia,
    I like your story! Your first sentence is AMAZING ‘…scary enough to be in a horror film’ This story had a strange twist at the end! I wasn’t expecing that! Very scary! You are a great author! Please read my story ‘Chocolate’ http://6d2012.highlawnprimary.net/2013/01/21/chocolate/

    Reply

    •   Julia Says:

      Dear Charlotte,
      Thank you for your comment. I hope you enjoyed reading my story.What was your favourite part? I hope to be an author when I grow up. What do you dream to be?
      From Julia

      Reply

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